How the West Was Lost
by Zilver Hawk
Summary: A mysterious snow storm has left the Fire Emblem characters stuck in Ike's mercenary fort. They have no other way to pass the time, so why not share a tale or two? How will they survive the wild, wild West?
1. The Masked Stranger's Appearance

_This is my third story on Fanfiction so far. I feel like I'm on a role! I'd like to thank all of you people who have been reviewing and helping me with my writing. I really love the support. This story is pretty random, but one of my friend's favorites. Shout out to Argorok Volvagia!!! I promise, you will not leave this story disappointed. Hopefully, as soon as my other computer is fixed, I'll be putting up another story that isn't humor. Now, without further adieu..._

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"_The West…a wild, untamed landscape full of both good and evil. There is a line, a distinct between the two. That line is called justice. I am vengeance, I am justice, I am the Masked Stranger. Evil doers, look upon me and tremble."_

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"What do you think you're doing, moron?!" yelled Marica at her idiotic older brother.

"You ruined the mood," he complained.

"What mood?"

Makolov stood up and smiled heroically. "I'm the Masked Stranger, the handsome and mysterious figure of justice that strikes fear into the very core of evil!"

Marcia didn't look convinced. "You've been watching the Batman and John Wayne movies again, haven't you?"

Makolov's heroic aura disappeared. "Uh..."

"Makolov..."

"Oh come on..." he whined. "Let me tell the story. It's really cool and it's he only productive thing I think I'm capable of doing!"

Marcia sighed because she knew, deep in her heart, that it was true. "Oh fine, just leave me out of it."

"Yeah! I love you Marcy!" Makolov gave his sister a death hug.

"Get off of me you big oaf!"

"Sorry sis. Now, back to my story. AS I was saying, I am the Masked Stranger. My story begins right after the life of the sheriff of Crimea Town ends..."

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"May he rest in peace," said Dr. Rhys as he finished Sheriff Tanas's funeral. Everyone in the crowd yawned and happily buried the coffin.

"Good riddance," said Calil, "but what stumps me is, who killed him?"

Everyone turned away from Calil and whistled nonchalantly. Everyone had a motive, including Rhys. The town was a better place without him after all.

"On a happier not," started the doctor, "I'd like to announce our new sheriff, Kieran!"

Everyone in the crowd cheered and tossed their hats into the air as Kieran made his way onto the stage.

"Thank you everyone," started the new sheriff. "As my first act as sheriff, I will try to be better than Tanas. By the way, I don't think I'm going to be investegating his death. There are just way to many suspects."

"He's already better than Tanas," mumbled an underwhelmed Calil. "As long as he doesn't burp in my face at the bar, he'll last." She fumbled around with a fire tomb which just happened to be be the murder weapon that killed Tanas.

After Kieran had finished his speech, Oscar went to go talk to him. "My brother's gone missing," he said sadly which was out of character for the normally happy paladin.

"What do you mean?" asked Deputy Boyd. "I'm right here. Don't you ever pay attention?"

Kieran stared at Boyd blankly.

"I'm talking about Rolf," said Oscar. "For the last time, you're night my only brother."

"Since when?"

Kieran continued to stare at Boyd. "How did he get to be deputy?"

"He's the only one that would take the job. Now, back to Rolf. He's been missing for two weeks. Both he and Mist were kidnapped by King Komodo."

"Wait...did you say King Komodo?"

"Yes, he's the leader of the Black Bandanna Gang. It used to be only him, but now, he has followers."

"La Loca Mariposa is a whip-crackin' beauty," said Gatrie. "I'm going to marry her someday..."

Kieran didn't reply.

"La Flora Roja is pretty too, but she has a wyvern and that thing is not nice."

"There's also a young man that they call Sandstorm," said Oscar. "He destroyed a town with a giant wind storm. The only thing left standing was the bank...which they robbed."

"Interesting," commented the sheriff.

"Yes, but the most dangerous bandit of all is King Komodo's sidekick, El Poco Frijole..."

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"Wait wait wait..." said Marcia. "El Poco Frijole?"

"Yeah," said Makolov. "I have no idea what that means, but it sure does sound cool!"

"El stupido..."

"I love you too!"

"Hey," said Gatrie as he walked up to the siblings. "What are you guys doing?"

"You don't want to know..." said Marcia.

"I'm telling a story!" exclaimed Makolov.

"Cool. Can I listen?"

"No, no you can't!" yelled Marcia.

"Sure!" said Makolov.

"Nice," said Gatrie. "Hey guys! Come on in here. Makolov's telling a story!"

Mercenaries poured in. Even the ravens, cats, hawks, dragons, herons, wolves, Crimean Royal Knights, and Queen Elincia joined in.

"Don't you guys have anything better to do?" asked Marcia.

"No," said Naesala. "The roads are snowed in."

"It's the middle of July!"

"Why don't you ask those two over there?" said Geoffrey bitterly as he pointed towards Soren and Nasir.

"Don't you point any fingers at me," said Soren. "I was only trying out a new spell...which didn't turn out so well..."

"What was it called? Blizzard?"

"Maybe...I still blame Nasir."

"I was just trying to prove a point. My natural ice is way better than your man-made fake magic."

"My magic was powerful enough to start a storm!"

"No it didn't and I froze the lake."

"Well at least I didn't destroy part of town."

"Oh, and you only killed half the forest!"

"You want to go?!"

"Bring it on, shrimp!"

"Guys." said Oscar, "calm yourselves. Just blame me and go on with your lives."

"I'm watching." said Soren as he eyed the dragon.

"Well then," said Nasir, "I'm watching you."

"What's the story about?" asked Mist, trying to change the subject.

"Well," said Makolov, "it's a western tale about the mysterious figure of justice, the Masked Stranger. So far, Sheriff Tanas has been 'mysteriously' murdered and replaced by Kieran."

"Nice," replied the knight.

"Oscar has just given the new sheriff his first job, track down the Black Bandanna Gang and rescue Mist and Rolf from their evil clutches."

"Why do we always get kidnapped," complained Rolf.

"Ignore that for now. Let me give you the names of the Black Bandanna Gang. King Komodo, the leader; El Poco Frijole, his right hand man and the wielder if two deadly pistols; La Loca Mariposa, the whip-crackin' beauty; La Flora Roja, the wyvern rider of no return; Sandstorm the hurricane of the desert; and finally, there's Gunsmoke and Saber, the duo of death. Gunsmoke can destroy a house with a flick of his finger and Saber has the strength of ten men."

Queen Elincia leaned over to Marcia and whispered in her ear, "Did he say El Poco Frijole?"

"Just go along with it..."

"By any chance," asked Rhys, "have you been watching the John Wayne movies?"

"Yes, and the Batman."

"Oh joy..." said Naesala.

"On with the story..." said Makolov.

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Kieran absorbed the information and walked into his new office. He saw pictures of all the members of the infamous bandits stapled to the wall. Just as their name suggested, the all wore black bandannas to conceal their identities. One face in particular caught his eye, El Poco Frijole. Those eyes resonated with pure evil.

"It looks like you 'ave a bit of a mess on yur hands," said a mysterious figure standing in the doorway. "I reckon you'll be needin' my help."

"I don't think I'll be needin' your help."

"THIS IS MY STORY AND YOU WILL NEED MY HELP!!!"

"Fine..."

"Now, as I said, I'm the Masked Stranger and this is my partner-"

"You say my name you die!" said an annoyed voice.

"GET OUT HERE SIDEKICK!"

Slowly, Shinon made his way into the sheriff's office. He gave Makolov a death glare.

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"I AM NO SIDEKICK!" shouted Shinon.

"Marcia was my sidekick until she made me promise to keep her out of my story, so I chose you."

"Why?!"

"Because...Naesala would rip my limbs off and chop me into little pieces if I made him my sidekick."

"It's true you know," said the raven king.

"Get on with the story!" shouted Ike.

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"Who are you?" asked Kieran again.

"I am the Masked Stranger, bringer of justice to lawless, justiceless towns, that have no justice!"

The sheriff took a good look at the wall of wanted posters then the Masked Stranger. He didn't look too convinced about the hero.

"Is that your poster on the wall?" he asked.

"NO!!!" yelled the hero. "I would never break into Geoffrey's bar and steal beer! It's just not right!" He leaned over to Shinon. "Go dispose of the evidence."

Shinon left.

"I already have an idea for bringing the bandits to justice," said Kieran. "We just have to set a trap."

"I'm the hero so I get to come up with the plan," said the Masked Stranger.

"Then what's your plan?"

"Hm...I think we should set a trap."

"Brilliant..." Kieran sighed.

Suddenly, an explosion shook the ground. Kieran's rolling chair moved from its place at his desk and ran the Masked Stranger over.

"What in the world was that?" asked the sheriff.

"That, my friend," said the hero, "was searing pain as the chair ran me down, but I'm fine, thanks for asking."

"No, what was that explosion?" Kieran ran outside and saw that the alley next to the bar was completely taken out; however, the bar itself was untouched. Shinon stood in the middle of the mess with a blackened face. The remains of what seemed to be a beer barrel was right next to him.

"That was cool," he said.

"What is going on?" asked Kieran.

"Well, I uh...just proved spontaneous combustion. You see that barrel over there just randomly burst into flames without me having to torch it. The alcohol in the barrel caused it to create a huge explosion!"

"Really...I'll let you go for now. If it happens again, you're coming with me."

"It won't happen again. I promise."

Suddenly, another explosion shook the ground. This time, it came from inside the bar. Kieran shot a warning glance at Shinon.

"It wasn't me, I swear!"

The sheriff made his way to the bar and peeked inside. Geoffrey, the bar-tender, was raising his hands over his head in a surrender to El Poco Frijole.

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"Wait!" yelled Geoffrey. "First off, why am I a bar-tender? And second of all, why am I surrendering?" I would rather die than surrender!"

"You're a bar-tender because I thought you would look cool in the outfit and you're surrendering because..." Makolov paused to think. "THEY THREATENED TO KILL LADY ASTRID!!! Duh...duh...duuuuuuh."

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_I feel like ending the chapter here. It adds to the dramatic effect. Let me get a few things staight before I sign off. I am not a native Spanish speaker. If there is any error in my Spanish, feel free to tell me and for any of you who don't know Spanish, El Poco Frijole means the Little Bean, La Loca Mariposa means the Crazy Butterfly, and La Flora Roja means the Red Flower._ _Now, for one final piece of business, if you want to guess the identities of the Black Bandana Gang, please tell me in your review. Some of them are pretty obvious. Thank you and good-bye._


	2. Bar Theft

_And so we continue…can Makolov's creativity get any more extreme? Believe me, the answer is yes!!! Now please, sit back, relax, and enjoy. ^-^_

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"And you're surrendering because…THEY THREATENED TO KILL LADY ASTRID!!! Duh…duh…duuuuuh…" Makolov said dramatically.

Everyone gasped simultaneously, except for Geoffrey.

"Oh dear," said Astrid.

"What happened next?" asked Elincia.

"Well…" the pink-haired paladin started again.

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Kieran walked into the bar and readied his gun to shoot down the bandits. "Freeze!" he yelled as he prepared to shoot.

A whip came out of nowhere and grabbed the gun right out of Kieran's hand. The sheriff turned and came face to face with La Loca Mariposa. She was wearing a black leather skirt with matching knee length boots. Her shirt was either ruby or blood red; it depended on how you looked at her, in fear, or in Gatrie's case, in love. A neat unbuttoned black vest covered her shirt. Finally, she wore a black cowboy, excuse me, cowgirl hat and a signature bandanna.

"On the floor!" she yelled. "This 'ere is a hold up. That means you too Sheriff!"

"What are you gonna' do about it if I don't?"

"I'm glad you asked. FRIJOLE!!!"

The ground seemed to quake as the bandit turned around; however, he must have only been four feet tall, but a deadly four feet it was. He was armed with two shiny silver pistols which he had ready to fire at any moment.

"What do ya' want?" he asked angrily. "Can't ya' see I'm threatenin' this 'ere bartender?" Surprisingly, Frijole's voice was deep and mesmerizing.

"Show Mr. Sheriff what happens when people ask questions." Mariposa batted her eyelashes.

"Sure thing." Frijole smiled evilly as he looked around the bar. In a half second, he managed to draw his guns and shoot Geoffrey square in the forehead.

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"You can't kill Geoffrey!" shouted Elincia.

"That's it!" yelled the paladin. "Hold me back!" Both Lucia and Bastian grabbed him by an arm. "Let me go! Let me go! I'm going to kill him and then throw his dead corpse out the window into the snow!"

As Geoffrey continued to rant, Rolf's eyes grew big. After a few seconds of colorful language, Oscar covered the small archer's ears. Rafiel grew pale and collapsed on the floor while Makolov looked ready to jump out the window himself.

"Be quiet already!" yelled Lucia as she slapped her brother. She grabbed him firmly by the ear and dragged him out into the hallway. "We're going to have a little talk about this, mister."

Makolov sighed. "Wow, I sure am glad that's over." He smiled until he looked at his own sister who was giving him a death glare. "Are you angry?"

She didn't reply. Instead, she grabbed him by his curly pink hair and dragged him into the hallway as well. Oscar finally uncovered Rolf's ears.

"What did he say?" he asked. "I'm confused."

"Good," said Oscar. "You don't need to understand."

The mercenaries were quiet as they strained their ears to here to conversation. Finally, they heard the two men attempt to apologize.

"I'm sorry," said Makolov. "I won't make you die in my story."

"I'm sorry too," said Geoffrey. "SORRY YOU WERE BORN!!!"

Makolov screamed. "NO, DON'T! What is that…? KILL IT! KILL IT!" Marcia screamed next.

"Geoffrey stop!" yelled Lucia.

Everything grew quiet. Too quiet.

"I think I should go check on them," said Rhys. He scooted over to the doorway and looked out into the hallway. "Oh my…that sure is a big…mess…"

Everyone else ran to the doorway to see what had happened. Marcia was banging her head on a nearby post, while Makolov was sitting on the floor, dazed with something all over his face. Lucia was tying her own brother up to another post.

"That's where you're sitting until you can learn to forgive."

"What happened?" asked Ike.

"I was going to kill Makolov," said Geoffrey, "but then he started screaming about something. I looked down and saw a spider the size of his fat head on my foot."

"Long story short," said Lucia, "he used Makolov's face to squish it."

"You didn't…" said Soren.

"Yes he did," said Lucia.

Soren sniffed. "That was my pet…I've had him since I was a little boy…His name was Charles."

"I'm sorry," said Geoffrey. "It was just creepy."

"That's what you would say, isn't it pretty boy?! You know what? You're nothing but a cold-blooded killer! Who's next? Me? Just because I'm creepy, does that mean you should kill me?"

"But…"

"Get away from me!!!" Soren ran away.

Everyone was silent until Astrid spoke up. "Are you okay Sir Makolov?"

He had already wiped the spider…remains off of his face. "I'm perfectly fine now. Nothing can keep me down! On with the story!"

"What about Soren?" asked Mist. "And Rafiel? He's still out cold."

"I'm sure they'll be fine."

"I'm going to go check on Soren," said Ike. "I've never seen him act this way." He walked briskly down the hallway after the sage.

"Did you rewrite part of the story?" asked Elincia as she glared at the paladin.

"Yes," he replied. "Let's rewind…"

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"Show Mr. Sheriff what happens when people ask questions," said Mariposa.

The small bandit looked around the bar. He fingered the two shiny silver guns at his sides. Without any warning, he drew both of them and fired two bullets, outlining Geoffrey's head. The bartender looked like a deer in the headlights. He could also smell something. It smelled like burning hair. Each bullet had grazed right above both of his ears. His poor blue hair was smoking ever so slightly.

"By the way," Frijole said, "I missed on purpose. Next time, you won't get so lucky."

"Now," said Mariposa, "ON THE FLOOR!!!"

Everyone in the bar dropped to the floor on command. Kieran slowly got down on his knees, laid his gun on the floor, and unwillingly surrendered.

"Not so fast," said the Masked Stranger as he kicked open the swing door. Unfortunately, the swing door was a swing door and back fired against the blundering hero. It hit him in the gut and knocked him into the middle of the road where he was run over by the Black Bandanna's horses.

"I'm going to go help him…" said Shinon unhappily as he walked away.

Mariposa was a little confused, but continued anyway. "If any o' ya'll move a muscle, Frijole here will make you look like a block of swiss cheese."

"Yeah, and not the good kind either!" added Frijole. "Sandstorm, do ya' got the cash?"

A mysterious figure wearing a multicolored poncho appeared behind the bar counter. He had a big burlap sack which had to be filled with money. "Yeah, I got it," he said.

"Grab Gunsmoke and let's go," yelled Mariposa.

Sandstorm slung the sack over his shoulder and dragged the poor drunk bandit behind him. Gunsmoke wasn't much taller than Frijole. He had bright red hair and was wearing a disgusting unwashed, un-ironed button-up shirt with equally holey jeans. His black leather boots were falling apart and his black hat looked like Frijole had gotten mad at him. Surprisingly, his bandanna was spotless.

"You were supposed to be watching him!" yelled Mariposa.

"Well excuse me princess," said Sandstorm. "It's not my fault he got addicted to beer. Personally, I blame that crazy red-haired sniper we met last week."

"No more excuses," said Mariposa. "Git out of here now!!!"

"Fine," said Sandstorm. He dropped Gunsmoke and walked out of the bar. "You can carry him."

Mariposa sighed in frustration, but nevertheless, she grabbed Gunsmoke's foot and started to drag him out the door. "Come on Frijole!"

"Gimme' a sec," he shouted back. He grabbed Lady Astrid and held one of his guns under his chin. "If any of you try to follow us, I'll shoot her."

"The boss is 'ere with the horses!" yelled Mariposa.

"I said gimme' a sec! I 'ave to git a hostage!!!" Frijole slipped through the door with Astrid held tightly, being sure to keep a close eye of everyone. Finally, he was gone. Kieran could hear the horses as they quickly sped away.

"What are we supposed to do now?" asked Deputy Boyd.

"We're a goin' after them," replied the sheriff dramatically. "I'm goin' to need a team. Boyd, Geoffrey, Rhys, Oscar, and Ike, get saddled up. They won't get far if I have anything to say about it."

"Oh yeah!" yelled Boyd. "It's time to bag us some bandits!"

"It's time for revenge!" yelled Ike.

"I'm coming Rolf," said Oscar.

"No one breaks into my bar and gets away with it," said Geoffrey. "You will pay."

"...Yehaw..." said Rhys trying to be enthusiastic.

"I'm coming too," said the Masked Stranger who had somehow recovered from the freak accident. "El Poco Frijole should have never kidnapped my fair Lady Astrid. I'm going to make sure he finds out what pain is."

"I guess this means that I have to come along too," said Shinon. "Someone...shoot me, please."

"If you're coming along," said Kieran, "you'd better hurry up. We're leaving as soon as possible."

The small band of heroes saddled up and started the search that would hopefully bring down the ever elusive Black Bandanna Gang.

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_Once again I leave you with the cliff-hanger ending. Next....the dramatic conclusion. How will the Masked Stranger deal with the situation at hand? Who are the Black Bandannas? (Please continue to guess.) And when will that blasted snow melt so our heroes can excape Makolov's creativity? Only I have the answers...and maybe Argorok Volvagia... See you next time and don't forget to review! ^-^_


	3. Unmasked

_Well, here it is, the conclusion for the tale of the Masked Stranger. I'd just like to tell you that this isn't the end of the story. The tale-spinning ends when I say it ends! Now, prepare yourselves and enjoy._

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Night had set. The cowboy gang had spent the entire day tracking down the Black Bandanna Gang, but their search had turned up dry. They set up camp and built a fire. Oscar was preparing their meal for the night. They knew that the bandits couldn't have gotten far, but the tedious process was a bit annoying.

"Dinner's served," said Oscar as he passed out metal plates. Ike, of course, was already drooling over the steaming pot of stew.

"I think it would be best if we came up with a plan," said Dr. Rhys.

"Yes," said Sheriff Kieran, "I've already thought of that. I was thinking that we should-"

"No wait," said the Masked Stranger. "I have a plan."

Kieran sighed. "Let's here it."

"First, we'll need a distraction. I think the doc can take care of that."

"Excuse me?" said the doctor.

"Nobody will ever suspect you. You're waaaaaaaaay too innocent. Next, I hope you have some more beer Shinon."  
The Masked Stranger discussed the rest of the plan as thoroughly as he could.

"I actually think this might work," said Kieran.

Oscar and Geoffrey saddled up and sped back to town. They promised to be back before sunrise.

"I still don't like my part," said Rhys. "What is they decide to shoot me?"

"If they decide to shoot you, or even reach for a gun," said Kieran, "they'll be dead first. I've got your back."

"If I don't come back, please tell my family…I love them."

"Give me a break," said Shinon as he rolled his eyes.

Ike ignored the rude sniper and turned to the sheriff. "I'm going to scout out further ahead. They probably set up camp not too far from here." He jumped onto his horse as road out ahead.

As soon as Ike had left, Kieran decided it would be best to congratulate the hero. "You know, you did a really good job coming up with that plan. How did you manage to do it?"

"It's my job as a hero to be smart…" started the Masked Stranger as he tried to hide a book in his saddlebag that read Smart Plans For Delusional People.

"Makolov," said Rhys. He looked rather pale.

"My name's the Masked Stranger."

"Masked Stranger…"

"If you're going to continue whining about the plan, I don't want to hear it. I put plenty of thought into it and I don't want some wimpy doctor ruining it."

"But…"

"No, not another word from you, mister. You need to be a man. Have some backbone."

"There's a…"

"What did I just say?"

"Yeah, but…"

"CAN IT, BUDDY!"

Rhys looked hurt but didn't say anything else. He took out his heal staff and got ready for a scream of pain.

"Masked Stranger…" said Kieran.

"I expected more from you. If you're chickening out too, I give up on you pitiful townsfolk." He stopped and smelled the air. "Something smells good, but why does my foot burn?"

"Your foot is on fire, genius," said Shinon.

Makolov jumped up in shock and ran around in every which direction. Rhys got up and tried to catch him. Finally, he gave up altogether. The Masked Stranger ran around until he eventually tripped over a log. Rhys managed to put out the fire and heal the foot before he could get up.

"Why didn't you tell me my foot was on fire?" he asked as he spit out a dirt clod.

"But-"

"No, I don't want to hear it. You obviously don't care about my safety and well-being."

Something inside Rhys snapped. His eyes twitched as he tried to maintain a calm composure. He clenched his fist, grabbed his heal staff, and walked toward Makolov. Slowly, he staggered toward him and got ready to make one blow, the one blow that Makolov would hopefully not survive.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you," said a sleepy voice.

Rhys snapped back into reality. "Huh…what just…who are you?"

In the bushes, was a dirty figure. He was either half-asleep or half-dead. He yawned which showed he could breath at least.

"My name's Haar," he said.

"Isn't that what pirates say?" asked the Masked Stranger.

"No…pirates say, 'Arrrrrrg,'" replied Haar.

"Ah, so you are a pirate! Shinon, shoot 'im!"

"No, wait. I'm not a pirate."

"Yeah," said Shinon. "He looks more like a smelly old hobo who lost his girlfriend to some bad boy."

"You read me like a book," said Haar.

"It's a gift," said the sniper.

"So what do you want?" asked Kieran.

"I want your help. Like that guy said, I lost my girlfriend to King Komodo's sidekick, El Poco Frijole. She called me a lazy bum, and then left me."

"It's okay," said Rhys as he comforted the poor hobo. Haar burst into tears. "There there….just let it all out."

Makolov reached for him gun to kill Haar, who he still thought was a pirate. Luckily, Shinon reached it first and knocked the "hero" upside the head with it.

"Could you get on with it?" the sheriff asked the blubbering hobo.

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"Wait!" said Jill. "Let's get back to reality for just one second. Haar, do you even care that you're a hobo?"

"Not really," said the wyvern lord. "In fact, it actually sounds pretty nice. I'd only have to sleep and travel."

"You do that now…"

Haar fell asleep and slumped against Jill's shoulder. He snored happily and began dreaming about life as a hobo. Jill sighed. "Never mind…continue."

"Thank you," said Makolov. "Now, as I was saying…"

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"Could you get on with it?" asked the sheriff.

"I-I'm sorry," said Haar. "I want you to help Jill. Please, nicely knock some sense into her."

"We'll try our best," said Rhys.

"Thank you." Haar smiled until his gaze shifted to the pot of food over the fire. "Is that stew?"

"Yep," said the doctor. "Help yourself."

Haar the hobo happily grabbed a plate and took heaping helping of Oscar's stew.

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"Now," said Makolov as his narration tone turned slightly ominous, "lets take a look at the Black Bandanna Gang…"

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The evil bandits too, sat around a fire enjoying themselves. Astrid was sitting next to King Komodo himself. He was bald, but on his face was the biggest mustache ever! He constantly twirled it, even when he was talking. Out of the bandits, he was definitely the biggest. His boot was big enough to stuff Frijole's head into.

La Flora Roja was feeding her wyvern which was happily wagging her tail. However, when Gunsmoke tried to get to the barrel it was guarding, it nearly took his hand off.

"Good girl," said Flora.

Gunsmoke scooted back and hid behind Saber. Even if King Komodo was the biggest, Saber was a close second. He cracked his knuckles defensively and stared the wyvern down.

Frijole was seated right next to King Komodo, fingering his pistols. Occasionally, he would fire one at a squirrel or glass bottle. Mariposa had the same idea. She too took the opportunity to torture the unsuspecting wild life with her whip. Finally, Sandstorm was reading one of his books, trying to block out the annoyances of the world.

"Hey, Sandstorm," said Gunsmoke. "I bet I can git that rabbit all the way out there."

"Good for you," replied Sandstorm sarcastically.

"Watch!" Gunsmoke pointed his fingers in the shape of an imaginary gun and "fired" it. The rabbit out in the grassy field burst into flames and ran away at the speed of light. "Beat that!"

"If I must…" Sandstorm continued to read his book; however, the wind started to pick up. A giant whirling tornado came towards the camp and uprooted a tree. Just before the gale stopped, it dropped the tree a hair's width from Gunsmoke's body.

The dirty bandit was frozen with fear. "H-how did you…?"

Sandstorm ignored him.

"Forgit you!" He smiled playfully and got ready to set Sandstorm's book on fire.

"Don't even think about it."

"MAKE ME!"

He got ready to pull the imaginary trigger, but an abnormally strong gust knocked him down. He ended up shooting a bird as it flew by.

"You dirty…" Gunsmoke got up and tried to strangle Sandstorm, but Saber's massive muscles stopped him.

"Calm down small one," he said.

"But he just…"

Saber glared down at the small bandit. In return, Gunsmoke whimpered and ran up the tree that nearly killed him. Saber relaxed his glare and returned to cracking his knuckles.

"BE QUIET!" yelled King Komodo.

Instantly, everyone settled down and froze. When the king spoke, everyone listened, or else.

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"You ended up like Makolov," said Marcia.

"MY STORY!" yelled Makolov. "STAY OUT!"

"Fine…"

"Now where was I…?"

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When the king spoke, everyone listened.

"Ya'll is gonna' attract every do-gooder within twenty miles of this 'ere place. Shut yer traps!" he yelled.

"Yes sir," everyone said simultaneously.

"That's more like it. Hey, Sandstorm, how much money did we bag today?"

"It wasn't our best, but pretty good. We got around 500 gold."

"It'll have to do. Ya'll may continue whatever you were doin,' just don't get yer blood all over the place. I don't wan anyone trailin' us."

Gunsmoke didn't dare come out of the safety of his tree. Everyone else scooted away from the king and went on with their business.

MEANWHILE…

Ike spotted the flaming rabbit. He knew the bandits couldn't weren't too far away. After riding about half a mile north, he found their camp and Lady Astrid with it. Satisfied, he rode away back to camp.

THE NEXT DAY…

Geoffrey and Oscar had arrived just as twilight appeared. They each pulled a small sleigh carrying three huge beer barrels.

"I like this plan," said Shinon.

"It's not for drinking," said Kieran. "Ike said their camp is about four miles north of here. We need to hurry before they decide to split."

They rode in that direction and prepared to bring an end to the Black Bandanna's reign of terror. They arrived near the camp site and started to set up the beer barrels in a large circle. The Masked Stranger pulled Rhys to the side and decided to give him a poorly planned pep-talk.

"Now, I have absolutely no faith in you whatsoever, but everyone seems to believe you can do this," he started. "Not only does the life of Lady Astrid lie in your hands, but ours as well. Try not to think about messing up. If you do, it could very well lead us all to our deaths. No pressure! Now, I do have some advice for you."

Rhys was pale. "I think I'd better go talk to Kieran."

"No wait! It's good advice!"

"Okay…"

"Just act dumb. Make them think you have no clue what's going on. They won't know what hit 'em!"

"That actually might work…Thanks."

"Oh, and one more thing."

"Yes…what is it?"

"Don't get shot…or panic. Panicking usually leads to death and getting shot really hurts, then you'll probably die. Dying is bad."

"Thank you for your wise words or wisdom," said the doctor sarcastically. "What would I possibly do without it?"

"You'd probably die and doom us all without it I reckon."

"Never mind…"

"It's time, Rhys," said Kieran. "Are you ready?"

"Define…ready."

"Just go!" yelled the Masked Stranger. He shoved the poor doctor out into the field. The Black Bandanna Gang stared at Rhys as he staggered forward. King Komodo raised an eyebrow.

"You want I should shoot 'im boss?" asked Frijole.

"No…wait," said the king.

Rhys walked straight up to the gang and took a seat on one of the logs. "Hello," he said smiling.

"…Hello…" replied the bandits.

"Nice day…"

"What do you want?!" yelled Gunsmoke down from the tree. "We ain't no bandits if that's what yer thinkin'!"

Mariposa grabbed Gunsmoke's foot with her whip and dragged him out of the tree. After he had managed to get his face out of the dirt, she kicked him back down and made sure he stayed there.

"Be quiet or I kill you," she said.

"What do ya' need stranger?" asked King Komodo cheerfully.

"Actually, I'm lost," said Rhys. "I'm looking for Lincoln County. My brother lives there and I was worried about him, what with a war goin' on and all."

"What's Lincoln County?" asked Gunsmoke.

"A county in New Mexico, genius," replied Sandstorm.

"Exactly," said Rhys. "Could you folks point me in the right direction?"

"New Mexico's on another continent entirely," said Sandstorm. "I'd tell you to head west, but you'd just drown."

"Stupid Indian guides," muttered the doctor.

"What was that?" asked Frijole.

"I had hired some raven Indians to be my guides, but they ended up knocking me out and stealing my solid gold watch."

"Why would you hire them stinkin' bird brains in the first place?" asked Flora.

"Search me."

"This nut job's a piece of work," said Frijole to the boss.

"I know. He's not suspicious at all."

Rhys kept talking about anything that could come to mind. He just needed to keep the bandits occupied. "And that's when my sister got carried away by a giant buzzard, leaving me and my brother to fend for ourselves…" The only reason King Komodo let Rhys stay was because he was entertaining.

"Tell me more about your brother," said Mariposa dreamily.

"Uh…His name is…Orlando…He's a performer and like to…act. He's also a skilled archer and has long blonde hair."

"And your name is…"

"Me? Oh, I'm John…O'Markawitz…"

"John O'Markawitz?"

"My parents were Russian…and Irish…"

"But your brother's name isn't-"started Flora.

"My father was half British."

"You're right," said King Komodo to his sidekick. "This guy is a piece of work."

Rhys kept blabbing about anything he could think of from his "imaginary" fear of mysterious masked idiots to why you should never cook bacon without a shirt on.

MEANWHILE…

"I didn't think he could do it," said the Masked Stranger.

"Are the barrels set up?" Kieran asked Geoffrey.

"Yep," replied the bartender. "Shinon, Boyd, and that hobo are ready whenever you are."

Kieran turned to the Masked Stranger. "Well…It's yer' call. What do ya' say?"

The Masked Stranger paused. He tightened his black Zorro mask and said, "Saddle up boys…"

The cowboys happed onto their horse hollerin' and yippin! The rode into the bandit's camp and circled around it.

"It's an ambush!" yelled King Komodo. "Kill the doctor!"

"I don't think so," said Rhys. He grabbed his heal staff and swung. He hit the bandit leader in the back of the head and sent him flying into a ditch.

"What a pain," said Sandstorm as he stood up. He prepared a spell.

"Oh no you don't," said the Masked Stranger. "Shinon, FIRE ONE!"

From a fair distance, the red-haired sniper shot a flaming arrow into the first beer barrel. The force of the explosion shook the ground causing Sandstorm to trip backwards over the sleeping Gunsmoke.

"Hey doc!" The Masked Stranger threw him a bundle of rope. "Start tyin'!"

Saber's eyes turned bright red. He charged at the nearest cowboy, which happened to be Oscar, with a look of death on his face. No on injured Gunsmoke, except for him.

"Boyd, FIRE TWO!" yelled the Masked Stranger.

The deputy grabbed a match and lit another barrel hidden in the grass behind Saber. Boyd didn't have enough time to run so the blast knocked him into a prairie dog town. Saber fell forward which gave Oscar enough time to lasso him up, several times.

"And then there were three…" said Kieran. He eyed Frijole. "It's time for revenge, mi compadre…" He adjusted his hat and charged towards the small bandit, but Mariposa and Flora had other thoughts.

"Git away from my man!" yelled Mariposa. She cracked her whip in the air and nearly took the sheriff's head off. Oscar managed to lasso Mariposa's whip hand and drag her through the dirt.

"This is for Mist and Rolf!" he yelled.

Flora hopped onto her wyvern. It roared ferociously and bared its fangs at the heroes. Their horses backed down and whinnied.

"Hobo!" yelled the Masked Stranger.

"Say it," said the red-haired bandit. "I dare ya."

The Masked Stranger smiled. "Fire…three…"

Haar flinched and lit the last barrel. "Forgive me, my love," he said.

This blast was right next to the wyvern. It was so powerful that it shot the beast three miles into the sky with Flora still of its back.

--------------------------------

"Did it ever come down?" asked Rolf.

Makolov thought for a moment. "Yes…but the wyvern was so scared after that experience that it never flew again."

"How sad…" said Jill.

"Come on!" yelled Mist. "Finish it! I need to know what happens!"

"Next…"continued the pink-haired paladin, "only Frijole and his silver pistols stood between out heroes and victory."

--------------------------------

"You ain't getting' through me!" he yelled. He grabbed the fair Lady Astrid and drew them guns of his.

"This could be a problem," said the Masked Stranger.

"Do you hear that?" asked Geoffrey. There was something that sounded like tiny screaming; however, it was getting closer every second.

"Yeah…" said Shinon. "It sounds like the screaming of an ex-bandit wyvern rider who regrets dumping her boyfriend for someone much shorter than her, falling from the sky."

Then, just as Shinon had predicted, Jill and her wyvern came falling out of the clouds, crushing Frijole.

"That was convenient," said the Masked Stranger. He rode up on his white horse and swept Astrid off her feet.

"Thank you for rescuing me," she said.

"It's no problem, little lady," said the Masked Stranger. "It's all in a day's work."

"My hero!" And with that Astrid pecked the hero lightly on the cheek.

"Aw…shucks…"

"Excuse me," said Rhys. "Mr. Hero, don't we have some unmasking to do?"

The hero snapped back to reality. "Why don't you do the honors?"

The doctor's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Sure, now hurry before I change my mind."

Rhys saluted the hero and got to work. First, he went up to the leader. "Let's see who's really behind the bandanna, King Komodo." He dramatically ripped off the King's mask to reveal…

"KING DHEGINSEA!" everyone gasped simultaneously.

"Yeah…what zit to ya'?" he grumbled.

"I thought you said you were neutral," said Geoffrey.

"I say a lot of things…"

"But why?" asked Kieran.

"I did it to pursue my youthful dreams. My father never let me have any fun and now I'm letting my anger out in a spasm of intense fury and rage."

"Moving on…" said Rhys. "He went over to the threesome tied together, Sandstorm, Gunsmoke, and Saber.

"Touch me, you die," said Sandstorm.

"Shuddup!" yelled Gunsmoke. "I've had enough of yer attitude!"

"Well, I've had enough of yer smell. Have you ever heard of soap?"

"BATHIN' IS FYR YELLERBELLIES!!!"

"Quiet both of you!" yelled Saber. He looked at Rhys. "Git this over with and throw me into a dark cell away from these two chatter monkeys."

"Okay…" Rhys ripped off Sandstorms' bandanna then Gunsmoke's.

"SOREN?! TORMOD?!"

"This is getting weird," said Oscar.

"Soren?" asked Ike with a tear in his eye. "Why?"

"I have no idea… I just had the strangest urge to turn evil… It's like there's some great entity controlling our every move."

"I'm disappointed in you."

"Figures…"

Kieran looked at Saber curiously "If that's Tormod, you must be Maurim."

"You think it would be obvious," said the tiger. "Saber, saber-toothed tiger…"

"Yeah…that does make sense…" Kieran slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. Stupid must be contagious. Hanging around with the Masked Stranger was getting to him.

"I'd like to thank you," said Haar the hobo as he held Jill close. "Without your help, I would have never gotten my girl back."

"I'm sorry I left you," said Jill. She was still slightly crispy from her fall, mainly from when she reentered the atmosphere.

"All is forgiven my love…"

"But the law doesn't work that way," said Kieran as he held up a pair of handcuffs.

"Funny story about that," said Haar. He paused. "You won't take us alive suckers!" He picked up Jill and ran away as fast as his scrawny hobo legs could carry him.

"They're getting away!" said Ike.

"I think we can this one slide," said Kieran.

"I'll get 'em!" yelled Boyd who had finally escaped an angry prairie dog family. He ran after the couple in a cloud of dust.

"Should I stop him?" asked Geoffrey.

"Nah," said Oscar. "Maybe he'll just keep running and running and he'll forget what he's doing. Then a pack of coyotes will find him and raise him as their own."

Everyone started at the green-haired paladin.

"What? Can't a guy dream?"

"Ignoring that…" said the sheriff. Once again, his eyes met the gaze of Frijole. He and Mariposa were tied back to back. "Rhys, I think I'm goin' to unmask these two."

"Go ahead…"

He bent down and ripped off both of the bandit's bandannas. Nothing could have prepared the cowboys for what they saw next.

"MIST?! ROLF?!"

"Quit that!" yelled Rolf. "The simultaneous yelling is getting on my nerves."

"Mine too," said Mist.

"Why Rolf?" asked Oscar. "My own little brother, why?"

"I AIN'T THAT LITTLE!!!" I was sick 'n tired of everyone callin' me short and pipsqueak and peewee… Becomin' a bandit let me git my revenge!"

"Way to go!" said Shinon. Ike kicked him in the shin. "I mean…bad boy…evil is bad…"

Mist rolled her eyes. "You guys are such wimps, unlike Frijole here. Now he's a real man!"

"So you just followed his example and became evil?" said Ike.

"Pretty much…"

"Where did I go wrong?"

"Well," said the Masked Stranger who was now atop his noble steed with Lady Astrid beside him. "Now that the Black Bandanna Gang is unmasked, I best be off. There's other towns in need of my help." And with that, he rode off into the sunset.

"Who was that masked hero?" asked Boyd who had returned.

"THAT'S IT!" yelled Oscar. He rolled up his sleeves and jumped on his brother.

--------------------------------

"Then Deputy Boyd went into a coma, the Black Bandanna Gang went to jail for life, and everyone lived happily ever after," finished Makolov.

No one responded.

"So what did you guys think?"

"Do you really want to know what I thought?" asked Boyd. Several other people stood up and crowded around the paladin.

Three minutes later, he was tied to the same wooden post as Geoffrey. Makolov opened his mouth to speak. "I-"

"No talking," said Geoffrey.

--------------------------------

_Now wasn't that fun? This is the end of the Masked Stranger, but what's the next tale...I'll give you a hint. It has people in it and a plot which involves a western theme. Heh heh..._


	4. City Slickers and Indians

_I'm alive! I know I haven't written anything in a while, and that's mainly due to pure laziness. I have a whole lot already written that I just need to type... -sigh- I have the whole summer to do that without the distraction of finals! So this begins another chapter of the FE characters in the Wild Wild West! Please enjoy and don't forget to review! ^-^_

_-----------------------------------------------------_

"That was the worst story ever," said Rolf.

"At least it passed time," said Naesala who was hanging upside-down from the rafters. "I'm booooored…"

"This is just like when you were a child, Nestling," said Nealuchi, smiling. "But when you were bored, you always liked to play pirate."

"Quiet you old crow!!!"

"Pirate?" asked Tibarn as he smiled deviously. "I'll be using that for blackmail. Do you happen to have any pictures?"

"Oh yes," said the caretaker. "My favorite is when poor little Nestling lost his treasure in the ocean and started to cry."

Naesala's jaw dropped as he fell off the rafters.

Tibarn couldn't contain himself. He burst into laughter. "T-the Great Pirate King of Kilvas, Naesala, the greedy crybaby!!! "

"That's it!" yelled Naesala. "I'm going to hurt you in ways King Ashnard would have found cruel!"

"C-careful! You might fall and hurt yourself!"

Naesala turned bright red and tackled the hawk king. Reyson walked over to the tussle and decided to interfere. "Could you two please stop acting like children for one minute?" he asked.

"B-But, he used to play pirate!" Tibarn yelled through laughter. "Nealuchi has pictures!"

Reyson started to chuckle and eventually fell over in laughter as well.

"That's the last straw," said Naesala. "I don't have to stand here and be insulted like this. I'm leaving!"

"But the snow, Nestling," said Nealuchi.

"I don't care!" The raven king opened the door and instantly, six feet of snow covered him.

"I don't think we **can** leave," said Nealuchi.

"What gave you your first clue?" asked the raven king from under the snow.

"Lets at least try to get along," said Nailah. "It looks like we're going to be trapped here for a while and I don't want this to end up like a bad horror movie."

"Did you say trapped?" asked the now revived Rafiel.

"Yes…but we're going to be fine…?" said Nailah, trying to assure the prince.

The heron bought the gesture and sighed with relief. He went to go help Reyson who appeared to be choking on his own saliva. Leanne entered the room skipping happily. She walked up behind Tibarn and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yes, Princess," he said. "What is it?"

"Me want another story," she said.

"Really?"

The princess nodded her head vigorously. "Yes!"

"I'm not a good story-teller…"

Leanne's smile disappeared. Her eyes began to water and her lower lip quivered like a puppy who had just been kicked.

"But I'm sure we can find someone who is," the king added quickly.

No had he said that when there was a knock at the door.

"Now who could that be?' asked Nailah. She opened the door carefully and was surprised to see the Begnion Squad had arrived.

"Would General Ike mind if we took refuge here?" asked Empress Sanaki.

"It's okay!" yelled Ike from the other room.

"Thank you," said the Empress. She entered, followed by Zelgius, Levail, Sigrun, Tanith, and Sephiran.

"Very strange weather we're having," said Sephiran. "If it wasn't for Zelgius's armor, we would have all been doomed…"

"What are you doing here?" asked Nailah.

Zelgius poured some snow out of his helmet. "We were coming here on summer vacation…then it started to snow…"

Leanne fearlessly walked up to the hulking general. "You tell me story?" she asked.

"Pardon me?"

"No Leanne," said Tibarn. "Good ask someone else."

"She doesn't have to do that," replied Zelgius smiling. "I could tell her a story if she wanted."

"Really?" asked the princess with sparkles in her eyes.

"Yes. I used to tell the Empress stories all the time."

The princess giggled in joy, took the general by the hand, and led him to another room. Zelgius took a seat next to the fireplace and the heron princess plopped down in front of him.

"Well," started the general, "what kind of story to you want?"

"Cowboy story! Like Makolov's!"

The general raised an eyebrow and peered up. He saw the two paladins tied to the wooden post in the hallway. "Why?" he asked them.

"They didn't like my story," said Makolov.

"I tired to kill Makolov," said Geoffrey.

"Oh, if that's all…" Zelgius shook his head. When he returned to Leanne, he now had an audience. Sanaki was sitting in Sephiran's lap. All of the bird laguz and wolves were there as well. Levail was standing in the back of the room.

"Do you all really need to be here?" Zelgius asked.

"Yes," everyone replied.

"Oh fine…" The general thought for a moment, and then an idea sparked. "Once in the vast west, there lived the greatest gunman in the world. He could draw pistols faster than any other human. Now, he was so talented, you would expect him to roam the land picking fights with anyone that looked at him wrong, but he didn't. Instead, he hired himself off as a bodyguard…"

--------------------------------

A young lady with long blonde hair sat in her room, gazing out the window at the stars. There was a knock at the door and a handsome young man with short blonde hair wearing a neatly ironed shirt and a cowboy hat entered. He bowed politely and smiled.

"Ah, Master Gunslinger," said the young lady. "Just the man I wanted to see."

"It's always a pleasure, Lady Leanne. What is it you needed?"

--------------------------------

"THAT'S ME!" squealed the princess. "Me in story!" She clapped her hands happily and stared back up at the general with bright eyes.

"Yes, it's you," said Zelgius.

"Who's the gunslinger?" asked Naesala.

"I was getting to that. Now, try not to interrupt."

--------------------------------

"As you know," said Leanne, getting up from her spot by the window, "my eldest brother, Lord Rafiel-"

--------------------------------

"THAT YOU!" yelled Leanne, hugging Rafiel.

He chuckled a bit. "I think you should listen," he said, seeing Zelgius giving them an evil eye.

"Sorry," said the princess. "I no interrupt any more."

"Thank you…" said the general.

--------------------------------

"As you know," said Leanne, "my eldest brother, has had some trouble living here. The climate doesn't seem to be improving his health any, so we're going to be moving to out summer home."

"And you'd like me to escort you there?" finished the young cowboy.

"Yes. Our summer home is just past the Indian's territory, out in the country. I've heard that the Indians have become hostile and have started attacking innocent people passing by. I'd like my family to have the best protection possible. I believe you. Master Gunslinger, can provide that protection."

"I'm honored." The cowboy tipped his hat and turned to leave. He stopped in the doorway. "I assume we're leaving in the morning…"

"Yes. The sooner the better."

"One more thing, Lady Leanne," he said.

"Yes, and what might that be, Master Gunslinger?"

"Just call me Levail. Gunslinger is too dark for me."

--------------------------------

"That's me!" the excited soldier yelled. He ran from his spot in the back of the room, jumped through the crowd of listeners, and sat cross-legged in front of his general. "Thank you, General Zelgius! I won't let you down!"

The general sighed. "Okay…does anyone have anything else to say?"

No one responded.

"Good, now the next person who interrupts is going to find out how it feels to have a sword shoved down their throat." He drew his blade and stuck it in one of the logs next to the fireplace.

"BE NICE!" yelled Ike from the other room.

"But-"

"I don't care! My house, my rules!"

The general grumbled something under his breath and started to continue.

--------------------------------

The next day, Levail met the three aristocrat siblings outside their mansion. They-

--------------------------------

This time, Leanne raised her hand. Zelgius's eye twitched slightly, but he resisted the urge to hurt her. She was too innocent anyway. "Yes, Leanne…?'

"What aristocrat?" she asked.

"An aristocrat is someone who has a lot of money and a lot of nice things."

"Like Naesala?"

"No, Naesala is a thief. Duke Tanas is an aristocrat. A creepy pompous aristocrat, but an aristocrat nevertheless."

"Ooooh," said the princess. "Continue."

Zelgius sighed. He had a feeling that this was going to be a very long day.

--------------------------------

They greeted the cowboy cheerfully and shook him by the hand. Rafiel was already in the carriage. He smiled weakly as Levail walked past him.

"You look well," he said.

"I feel good," replied Levail. "you on the other hand, my friend, look like you've seen better times."

The lord coughed. "It's just this blasted cough. The doctor says I should feel better if I move. It's something about the air here."

"Lots of people move west seeking better health. Trust me, it works."

"I'm glad to get an expert's opinion."

There was a loud crashing sound from behind the carriage. Levail walked around, already expecting to see a bandit. To his surprise, it was only Lord Reyson. He had managed to drop one of Lady Leanne's bags and she was already giving him an earful.

"Be careful with my things!" she exclaimed half-jokingly.

"I was being careful until your demonic bag shattered every bone in my foot…" The poor lord leaned on the back of the carriage, took off his shoe and rubbed his injury. "What is in that thing?!"

"Just my shoes." She picked up the bag with ease and placed it with her other things. "Now, let's see about that shattered foot."

"I'll be fine, "grumbled Reyson. "Just get in."

Leanne giggled and rolled her eyes. "Yes brother dearest."

Levail smiled and assisted the young lady into the carriage. He then went toe go check on Lord Reyson. He was trying to shove his swollen foot back into his shoe.

"Would you like some help?" asked the cowboy,

"Don't use that tone with me," said the lord.

"What tone?" This time he stretched out the words like a child would.

"You're using the prissy-city-boy-never-gets-any-exercise tone."

"I would never do that." Levail tried to put on a serious face.

"If you don't believe me, try it yourself. That bag felt like it was filled with gold bars."

--------------------------------

"GOLD BARS!" exclaimed Naesala. He had fallen asleep and had only heard the last part of the statement.

"Quiet, Nestling," said Nealuchi. "You're being rude…"

"Yeah, Nestling," snickered Tibarn.

"Don't push it hawk king…You're just lucky the heron's are here cause if they weren't, you'd be dead."

Zelgius cleared his throat and shot the bird kings a warning glance. He pointed to his sword.

"I'll make sure they're good," said Nealuchi, grabbing Tibarn and Naesala by the ear.

"You'd better. Now, if we're finished…"

--------------------------------

"I doubt it's that heavy." Levail grabbed the bag with one hand grabbed the bag with one hand and attempted to lift it off the ground; however, it would not budge.

Reyson smiled slyly. "Told you so."

After a few futile attempts, the cowboy decided to give up. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and tried to ignore Reyson's snickering. "You might want to wrap that foot up," he said bitterly. He took his bandanna from around his neck and handed it to the lord.

"Thanks." Reyson tied up his foot and limped into carriage. Once everyone was settled, Levail took the reigns and they were off.

Now the trip would take only about a day. They wouldn't need to stop unless something happened, which was highly likely considering the territory they were about to enter. Other than that, things could get a little boring.

Levail looked to the side of the road. The aristocrat's mansion was surprising close to the border of the Indian Territory. They were just about to cross over. There must have been about twenty signs that said something along the lines of, "Turn Back," "Danger: Indians," "If you value your life, run," and "Why aren't you listening to me, you moron?"

"Why did you three buy a summer home way out here?" the gunslinger finally asked.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," said Reyson.

Levail raised an eyebrow and decided not to ask any further questions. It was times like this when he wondered why he ever gave up his life of crime for this. His deep thoughts were interrupted by a familiar swoosh.

"They're upon us," he muttered. He tied the horse's reigns to his seat and started to climb to the top of the carriage.

"What's wrong?" asked Leanne.

"Nothing I can't handle," replied Levail. Something flew past his right side, nearly knocking him down. Another rammed the side of the moving vehicle. This time, Levail did lose his footing and slipped; however, he managed to grab a hold of one of the windows.

"What's going on up there?" asked Rafiel.

Reyson glared out the window. He heard a mocking cackle and instantly knew what was going on. "Ravens…" The bitterness in his voice could have killed a dozen men.

"There must be about five of them," deduced Levail from his spot on the window. "I'll try my best to shoot 'em down. You three just stay put and brace yourselves. This could get a little messy."

"Right," said Rafiel. He nervously grabbed his little sister's hand and held it tightly.

"I want to help," said Reyson. Another raven rammed the carriage. The horse's started to grow frantic and panicked. They began to go off course.

Levail's eyes darted in every which direction. Finally, he opened the carriage door and helped Reyson out. "You get a hold of the reigns and try to calm the horses down. I'll cover you," he said after he had dragged the lord onto the roof.

"That's more like it." Lord Reyson jumped down into the driver's sea, untied the reigns, and began his task.

Levail stood atop the carriage, the wind blowing through his hair, the raven Indians mocking him. One on his left, two on his right, and one above. There was movement from all three directions at once.

"Not today…" Levail drew both of his pistols. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Each bullet hit a raven in the wing and sent them falling to the ground.

"Levail!" Reyson cried from up front.

The gunslinger's eyes widened. _There had been one more raven._ Once again, the carriage swerved. Levail caught a flash of blonde and white on his left as Reyson was pushed off. He shot his arm down and managed to grab the lord by the back of his shirt.

"You okay?" he asked, breathing heavily.

"Don't drop me!" he yelled frantically.

Leanne opened the door and pulled in her frightened brother. "That monster has the reigns!" she cried.

Levail grunted in frustration, but, nevertheless, made his way towards the front of the carriage once again. The raven holding the reigns chuckled when he saw the bedraggled bodyguard.

"What's so funny, Naesala?" asked Levail.

"We're gonna' take a little detour," the king said as he started to steer the horses down a narrow path.

"Drop the reigns."

Naesala felt the cold metallic barrel of a gun press against the side of his head. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. One twitch and I drive this whole thing into the nearest death hazard."

"You're not dumb enough to do that, Naesala."

"There is a difference between stupidity and creativity, you know."

Naesala made and abrupt turn down another narrow path. The aristocrats all fell to one side of the carriage, on top of poor Rafiel. Levail's gun fell out of his hand. This was the opportunity Naesala was looking for.

"This is where you get off," he said. He grabbed Levail's leg and threw him off while he was distracted.

Levail hit the ground hard, landing right next to his fallen gun. He felt his ribs hoping nothing was broken, and tried to get up. His sight blurred every time he moved and he finally gave up altogether. In one last effort to stop the ruthless Indian, he reached for his gun and fired a round off at the end of the wheel of the carriage. Then, everything went black.

--------------------------------

"I'M SORRY!" shouted Levail as he grabbed the three herons in a firm embrace. "I FAILED YOU!"

"It…okay…" gasped Leanne.

"No, it's not! I've failed you three and now I don't deserve to be a soldier!"

"Please…calm…down," said Rafiel softly. "It's only a story…"

"Air," said Reyson. "I need…air…"

"My bad," said Zelgius. "I forgot how sensitive Levail was about failing…"

"Please control yourself," said an annoyed Sanaki as she rubber her temple. "You're acting like a child."

Levail released the heron siblings and dried his eyes. The he stood at attention and saluted Empress Sanaki. "Sorry Empress. It won't happen again."

The herons all gasped for air in unison.

"Now, if that little episode is finished," said Zelgius as he eyed the sentinel, "shall I continue?"

"Please do," said Sanaki.

"As you wish Empress…"

_That's it for now guys! I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP! (Sorry for any extreme randomness. This story is purely comedy!)_


	5. Mirages

_Sorry I've been off for a while. Summer is a wonderful, wonderful thing...but it does make you lazy! ^-^_

_So our young gunslinger's adventure continues. What has become of the heron aristocrats, why is Naesala so mean, how many more times will Zelgius be interrupted, will he lose his temper, and how many of Levail's limbs are still intact? (I'm just kidding about that last one...mostly...bwahahahaha) All these questions and more shall be answered._

_Warning: Minor OOCness...It's funny though!_

--------------------------------------------

"Levail…Levail…Please wake up." A soft male voice repeated over and over again.

Eventually, Levail managed to open his eyes. He was lying flat on his back in the middle of the road. When his eyes finally focused, he saw what appeared to be an angel hovering above him.

"I died and went to heaven…" Levail said. "Well…at least I had a good run…"

"You're not dead!" Rafiel said. "Thank goodness you're awake though. When I saw you fall I thought…for sure…" He helped Levail sit up.

"Where are the others?" he asked.

"Then raven took Leanne," he said grimly. "Reyson and I tried to save her, but we weren't fast enough. Something hit me in the head. When I woke up, Reyson was gone too."

"There's no tellin' where he ran off to…Crazy kid…" The gunslinger stood up, straightened his hat, and pocketed his guns. "We should find some shelter for the night. We'll set off first thing in the morning'."

"Okay…"

Levail started off into the forest with Rafiel close by his side. Before the sun had set, the twosome had found a small cave and started a small fire.

"Now," Levail said," would you mind tellin' me what exactly happened while I was unconscious?"

"Oh, not at all," Rafiel swallowed a bite of apple and cleared his throat. "Once you were pushed off, the raven took control of the reigns and tried to get back on course. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a shot fired and the carriage fell to one side. We slid across the rode and finally ran into a tree. Then the raven started to say things…a lot of things…"

"You don't have to repeat what he said…"

"That's a relief. Next, I decided to peek my head out, and, in return, I got smacked in the back of the head. I was out of it for a while. The next thing I knew, I heard my dear little sister screaming. Reyson was already up and about. Everything else is pretty much a blur."

"That information should do. I'm glad to know my bullet didn't kill anyone but are you okay?"

"Oh me? I should be fine. I think I have a knot on the back of my head the size of my fist though…"

"You should get some rest. We're gonna' have a lot of walkin' to do tomorrow…"

"Joy…" Rafiel laid his head down and was soon sound asleep. It never took much to tire the heron lord out.

Levail gazed out through the cave opening. _This is just like back then,_ he thought. _Hiding out from the sheriff in caves… All that's missin' is my partner. _The night air was cool ad calming; it made him sleepy. He too soon fell asleep.

--------------------------------

Crack. Levail shot up. He had fallen asleep and now something was trying to sneak up on him. The sun still hadn't risen and the fire had been out for quite some time. Lord Rafiel was still sleeping soundly in the same position. There was a rustle in the bushes.

"Get out of there of I shoot," Levail said.

"That's no way to treat old friends," a gruff voice said.

"Volug, is that you?!"

"In the fur," the wolf Indian said proudly jumping out of his hiding place. "What brings you out here, partner?"

"I had a job that…didn't go as planned…"

By now, Rafiel was awake, more or less. He groggily eyes the wolf, not quite knowing what to think. When his senses finally kicked in, he yelled in shock and fell backwards.

"What's his deal?" Volug asked.

"Be nice," Levail scolded. "He's been through a lot today."

Volug calmly walked into the cave and knelt down over the lord. "You look kind of funny, ya' know?"

Rafiel sat up and examined himself. His hair was a bit ruffled and his robes were a bit tattered and stained, but he didn't look too bad. After looking at the Indian, he said, "You're one to talk. You're not even wearing a shirt."

Volug's jaw dropped. He took great pride in his simple clothing, hand made leather pants and moccasins. As for a shirt, who needed one. He was covered from head to toe with war paint, making him almost invisible in the shrubbery. He turned to Levail.

"Just calm down you two," the gunslinger said. "Volug, this is Lord Rafiel, one of my clients. Lord Rafiel, this is Volug, my old partner."

"One of your clients?" Volug said with an eyebrow raised. "What happened to the rest of 'em?"

"Ravens…."

"Those birdbrains have been gettin' on my nerves lately. Every time I turn my back they're up to something."

"So it's your fault the ravens took my siblings?" question Rafiel smugly.

Levail shot Rafiel a warning glance, shushing the lord. "Let me handle this."

"No, no," Volug said semi-smugly. "Let the city boy talk. I wanna' here what he has to say…"

"You said that every time **you** turn your back,** they're** up to something," Rafiel reiterated, putting emphasis on the two pronouns. "Now, in return, wouldn't it be** your** fault that **my** siblings have been kidnapped?"

"That makes sense, city boy, but this isn't your fancy political business. This is reality. What happens, happens and there's no way to fix it except to deal with it. Blame me all you want. Ain't gonna' do you no good."

"You're jus beating around the bush, trying not to let me get the slightest hint that you feel guilty or stuipid!"

"Excuse me?" The Indian raised an eyebrow and clenched both of his fists.

"You heard me! You feel guilty for what's been occurring and stupid for letting the ravens work behind your back!"

Volug walked up to Rafiel and looked him directly in the eye. "You know what…you talk too much."

The lord smiled innocently. "It's something you learn when you're in politics."

"That's enough!" yelled Levail. "I think we've established that you two don't like each other very much!"

--------------------------------

"Excuse me?" Rafiel asked as he raised his hand.

Zelgius rolled his eyes and sighed…again. "What is it this time?!"

"Why am I so mean?"

"You're not mean, you're smug. There's a difference."

"I don't think I like being smug."

"It only story," Leanne said. "Everyone no act right, like, me no actually talk good, Reyson never jump on moving carriage, and Naesala no take me ever! Right?"

Everyone turned to the raven king who was now whistling a nervous tune. "Sure…I would never kidnap you…" he said in an almost mechanical tone.

"See!" Leanne smiled happily, totally oblivious. "It only story!"

"If you say so," Rafiel said.

"If that's settled, could I please finish before the end of this week!" Zelgius said impatiently.

"We're going to be here that long?" Rafiel asked nervously.

"Yes…" Naesala said evilly. "Slowly, one by one, we'll start disappearing… Then…there'll be a trail of blood leading down the hallway. Some poor innocent fool will follow it, not know what to find at the end, but expecting the worse. When they finally reach the end of the trail, they'll find…" He paused and looked around at the frightened audience. "They'll find the mangled body in the crimson river of seeping fluids! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Rafiel's coloring dropped a couple of shades.

"Then, finally, when the snow melts, the rescue teams will come looking for us…and oh…they'll find us." He paused again, his smiled widening. "ALL OVER THE WALLS!!!"

Leanne screamed and Rafiel looked ready to jump out of his skin. Volug got up off the floor and faced off to the raven king. After a few seconds of silent staring, he slapped him.

"Talk too much…" he said gruffly. He sat back down.

"Nestling!" Nealuchi scolded. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, and poor Princess Leanne is frightened now! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Naesala chuckled, still smiling. "I get to tell the next story…"

"What am I to do with you?"

Leanne sniffled. "Mr. Zelgius tell more?"

The general looked at the frail heron princess. "I hope you know I'm only doing this from the bottom of my heart…."

"Yay!"

"Now…" Zelgius said, getting back into the mood, "where was I?"

--------------------------------

"I never said I didn't like him," Rafiel said.

"You implied it…" Volug said bitterly, "but I have to admit, I kind of like your style." He patted the lord on the back.

"Well, you're style isn't so bad either…I guess," Rafiel replied. "But can you rescue my siblings?"

"Of course!" Volug said. "I'm the best tracker on this side of the Rio Grande! Levail here will vouch for me!"

"It's true," Levail said. "One time a rogue rattlesnake bit this kid and ended up killing him. Volug followed its tracks through the desert for three days until it started to rain. Then he just followed the scent, found it, and killed it."

"Impressive," said Rafiel.

"It's a gift," replied Volug with a grin on his face.

"Good," said Levail. "Everyone's getting along now and we can get to work."

"I assume you have a plan," said Volug.

"Nope," replied the gunslinger. " Never do. Now that you're here, all we have to do is find the bad guys and kick butt without takin' any names like we used to."

"Finding them isn't hard. They're the only living creatures livin' anywhere near those death cliffs. Sneakin' up on them could be hard though."

Rafiel gulped. "Did you say, death cliffs?"

"Yep," replied Volug. "Big, giant cliffs made of slippery sandstone. It's pretty easy to fall off one to your doom. One slip up and-" He pretended to slit his throat with his finger. "-splat."

The lord coughed. "I…uh…have a breathing condition…"

Volug turned to Levail and gave him a look which just screamed, "How far have you fallen to hang out with this guy?"

"You don't have to climb the cliffs," said Levail. "Just stay at the bottom and keep watch."

"Okay," said Rafiel. "Sounds good to me."

"We'd better get going," said Volug. "If we hurry, we can reach the cliffs before the sun gets too high."

"Good idea," replied his ex-partner.

The threesome started off, the darkness of the twilight sky hiding their figures as they snuck through the forest.

Later that same day, a question entered Rafiel's mind. He turned to Levail, "How exactly do you know Volug?"

"Like I said," answered the blonde gunslinger, "we were partners."

"Yes, but partners in what?"

The gunslinger stopped and shuffled his feet nervously. "It's a long story."

"It's a long walk. I haven't done anything but stare at the space in front of me all day."

Levail sighed. "If I must. You see, I wasn't always a nice guy. When I was younger, I hung out with some of the worst people out there, Jesse James, Billy the Kid, the list goes on. When I met Volug, he was a rascal too. We went all across Western Tellius, terrorizing cattle herders, stealin' the occasional pie left in the window sill, and runnin' from the law."

"That's a big secret," Rafiel said. "What made you quit?"

Levail smiled. "Now that's a much easier question to answer." He unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt, revealing a hideous scar on his left shoulder. "See this? This is the closest I've ever tangoed with death, and I never want to dance with it again."

"You were shot?"  
"Yep. Lost a few pints of blood, gained a few pints of common sense."

Rafiel continued to stare at the wound with large eyes. "Is the bullet still in there?"

Levail laughed. "That's a silly question! You see-" He looked down at the wound himself. "I…don't really know…"

"How-" Rafiel stopped. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"Probably not."

"Hey, ladies!" yelled Volug. "Were you planning on starting a knitting circle or do you want to get this over with?"

Levail and Rafiel stopped and looked at the obstacle in front of them. The sandstone cliffs definitely were not a pleasant vacation spot. Buzzards flew around piles of bones scattered all around the bottom.

"Welcome to the Great Cliffs of Kilvas," said Volug cheerfully. "This part of the Great Desert has a higher death rate than any other part of Tellius. It's also home to the infamous Raven Indians and the only area with a school that specializes in training morticians."

Rafiel gulped again. "Do you have a spare weapon, Levail?"

"Do you know how to use a gun?" Levail asked.

"It's the thing that goes bang, right?"  
The gunslinger sighed and handed the lord one of his spare pistols. "See this end?" He pointed to the barrel of the pistol. "When you pull the trigger, make sure it's pointed away from you."

Rafiel nodded and took the weapon. After playing around with it for a few minutes, he finally managed to hold it properly. "Like this?" he asked, unintentionally aiming it at Levail.

"Yeah. Just don't squeeze the-"

Rafiel's hand slipped and the gun fired. Levail managed to duck just before the bullet showed him a new definition for death.

"Oops…sorry," said the lord. He looked at Volug.

"Stay away from me," the Indian said. "I'm no cat. I only have one life."

Levail got up off the ground. "Yes, Rafiel… That is how you fire a gun. Now, we're goin' to climb the cliff. Please, try not to shoot your foot off."

"I think I can managed that."

"Good man." Levail spat on both of his hands, rubbed them together, and gripped the sandstone firmly.

"Good luck!" yelled Rafiel. He watched the two ex-bandits begin their ascent. Soon, they were out of sight, lost in the clouds.

"Well," he said to himself, "I'm alone…in the desert…with a gun." He looked around defensively. "Calm down. There's nothing out here that wants to kill you. Everything that wants to kill you is up there…on the cliffs…"

"Put your hands up unless you want to die," a gruff female voice commanded.

Rafiel screamed and ended up throwing the gun at the female behind him. "Oops…"

"Are you askin' for it kid?" She held up a gun.

"No, I'm sorry uh…Miss. I didn't mean to."

"Hm…well, I won't shoot you until I consult my partner, but first things first. What's your name, kid?"

"I'm Lord Rafiel of Serenes."

"Hm…city slicker, eh? What brings you out here?"

Rafiel took a deep breath. "You see…" He began to talk as fast as he could. "I have a breathing condition so my siblings and I were heading to another house in another area where I could possibly be cured with a man named Levail as our bodyguard, but one the way, we were attacked by ravens who took my brother and sister, stranding me and Levail. Luckily, a wolf Indian named Volug came and led us to these death cliffs, but they left me here at the bottom because I'm afraid of heights and falling and dying. So now I'm being threatened by a stranger and I'm probably going to die because I can't hold a gun properly."

"Slow down, kid. Did you say, Volug?"

Rafiel tried to catch his breath. "Yes…" he managed to say through gasps for air.

"Interesting… Hey, Castaway! What do you think?!"

Rafiel heard someone else walk up behind him. "I think you should shoot him. The people, who look like innocent victims, never are."

Rafiel smiled. "REYSON!" he snapped around and embraced his brother. "Don't scare me like that. My heart nearly stopped!"

"My lungs are going to stop unless you let go…" Rafiel let go and looked at his brother, who, for some odd reason, was wearing war paint.

"You know this guy?" asked the woman with the gun.

"It's okay, Nailah. He's my brother."

"Really? Small world. So, you said Volug was headin' up to Kilvas?"

"Yes. What in the world is going on? I'm confused and Reyson, why are you wearing war paint?"

"Volug's a criminal," said Nailah. "I've been hunting him down ever since he escaped from prison two months ago. I figured he'd go after his old partner."

"He wants to get back at Levail for deserting him. The ravens didn't take me, he did. I was tied up to a tree until Nailah here set me free. And, I'm not wearing war paint, I fell in the mud…"

"Volug's gonna' kill Levail?!"

"There's no tellin' what he's goin' to do," said Nailah. "He was a bad seed from my tribe as a child and now he's an insane criminal."

"We have to go after him!" yelled Rafiel.

"No kid," said the wolf. "I'm going to go after him. You're going to stay here. You too Castaway."  
Both of the aristocrat's protested. "But…"

"No. You two will just slow me down. Hopefully it's not too late already." Nailah got a good grip on the side of the cliff and scrambled up it with amazing speed.

After a few awkward seconds, Rafiel turned to Reyson. "Castaway?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"Hey, my nickname's better than yours," replied Resyon, "Kid!"

"I have a gun…"

"Touché…"

--------------------------------

_Dun dun duuuuuun... Heh heh! This is one of my favorite stories in this series! It was one of the most fun to write that's for sure!_

_I just need to boast for one minute... I'm entering a singing contest called Ani-Idol and as one of my song choices, I'm singing Life Returns...LIKE A HERON!!! Yay! Maybe I am one after all! I sure to do act like Rafiel in this chapter... _

_Oh, and one more thing. Prepare for more OOCness...just a warning._


	6. The Good, The Bad, And The Unlucky

_Well, I am, in fact, alive. I'm so sorry I disappeared. I return with the conclusion to this section of How the West Was Lost!!!! I know several of you are anxious about finding out what happens to our brave hero! Dun duuun duuuuun!!!!_

_Warning: The following contains large amounts of awesomeness, Levail, chaos, and fire._

* * *

Levail paused. He had only ten more feet to go, but every one of his limbs was screaming. Sweat was pouring from every pore of his body, make his hands slippery.

"Come on," urged Volug from the top. "You can do it."

The gunslinger listened to his friend and slowly continued. He inched up and finally made it to the top. Volug pulled him up over the side.

"You okay buddy?"

Levail laid down on his back, trying to catch his breath. "Phew…haven't down that in a while." He closed his eyes briefly.

"We need to get moving," said the wolf. "Come on, up." You can rest later." He extended his hand. Levail unwillingly obeyed and took Volug's offered hand. The duo staggered towards the raven's camp.

"So how are we going to go about this rescue?" Levail asked.

"I don't know….but you shouldn't really be concerned about that right now." The wolf's mood suddenly darkened like a flash flood in the desert.

"And why is that?"

"FIRE!" yelled a raven.

Levail jumped back just as a line of arrows came crashing down. "It's an ambush!" He reached for his gun.

Volug's face twisted into a wide smile. "I know." He kicked Levail in the back as the gunslinger turned to take shelter. He grabbed the gunslinger's pistol and aimed it down at him. "I'm leading it!"

"But…"

The wolf ignored the hurt expression on his ex-partner's face. "Tie him up, now! No sympathy!"

"YOU'RE A DIRTY ROTTEN TRAITOR!" yelled Levail as ravens pounced upon him with rope.

"Sticks 'n stones may break my bones, but flattery will get ya' nowhere! Knock him out. I don't want any of his silver-tongued chit chat!"

"If you even think about it, I'll-" Levail never got to finish his threat. A raven clubbed him in the back of the head, silencing him..

Nailah finally reached the top of the cliffs. She took a deep breath and looked around. Footprints were scattered everywhere. Amidst the dust, lay a single silver pistol. She picked it up.

"Handmade…This is definitely Levail's. Looks like he never got the chance to use it." She placed it in a bag she wore at her side and stealthily made her way in the direction of the footprints.

She kept to the left of the main road, keeping her wits about her. The land seemed to be deserted, except for the occasional rattlesnake. Nailah looked across the horizon and saw smoke rising off in the distance.

"That has to be where you are… Hang on buddy…" She took off at full speed across the sand.

When Levail came to, his head was pounding. Yet again, he had been knocked out, but this time, there was a twist: he was tied up. The gunslinger tried to get a better look at his surroundings. There were ravens all around him, chatting about their business.

"So, you're awake."

"What do you want, Volug?" he asked with as much anger as he could muster.

"Oh, I want a lot of things, but first, I'm gonna' kill you. I'm not going to go on and on monologuing like some idiotic villain, so lets make this as painless as possible. 'Kay?"

"What did you do with Lady Leanne?"

"Who? I don't know who you're talking about?"

"The raven king took her."

"Raven king? You must be mistaken. I got rid of him a long time ago. Now, stop talking so I can savor this moment."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I told you, I wasn't going to monologue, but… I might as well since you're practically begging for it."

Levail rolled his eyes and prepared for the demented sob story. He was planning on listening or actually caring. He just needed the time.

"It all started when I was a young cub…" he began.

Levail tried to twist his wrists to grab his pocket knife. Unfortunately, his bonds were tighter than he had planned.

"Then I met you…" Volug's eyes darted towards his "friend." "You were young and full of such promise, but you had to go and see the light."

The gunslinger froze. Here came the angry part.

"I got caught, but you got a slap on the wrist. I rotted in jail for four years cuz of you!" Volug's anger cooled down quickly. His clenched teeth formed a forced smile. "It's ironic. You burned me so I burn you…"

"You…" The thought finally kicked in. He was tied to a pole, in the fire pit. Volug was literally going to burn him.

"Yep, I'm surprised you didn't catch on earlier. I'd like to thank the ravens for their contribution."

"Naesala isn't even this cruel! There's no way he'd allow this."

"Like I said, I got rid of him. I'm the king now. You'd be surprised what four years in a dark cell can help you accomplish."

"YOU'RE INSANE!"

Volug continued his smile. "Thanks." He picked up a flaming torch. "I'm going to enjoy this."

* * *

"Are you sure that's him?"

"Yes, I'm positive."

"Stay behind me. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Don't worry about me. Just help Levail."

High above the camp, hidden in some cliffs, the raven king and Lady Leanne prepared for their daring rescue.

"I'm going to strangle that wolf," Naesala said. "He took my tribe, tried to kill me, and upset my girl!"

Leanne gazed down again at the camp below. "He's going to set him on fire! We've got to hurry!" Naesala spread out his powerful wings, preparing for flight. Leanne grabbed his hand and together leapt from the edge.

* * *

Perspiration poured down Levail's face, not only from the fire getting closer and closer to his flesh but from pure terror as well. He was out of ideas, gun-less, and tied up. His demise seemed imminent. He looked up at the sunset lit sky for what he thought would be his last.

"ANGRY WOLF!!" screamed a raven lady.

Panic struck throughout the entire raven camp as Nailah rampaged through it, tearing up anything in her path. Volug's coloring dropped a few shades.

"Oh snap…" he said nervously.

Levail smiled. "Calvary has arrived."

"Don't think you've won!" he shouted as he threw the torch. Twigs surrounding Levail instantly burst into flames. "Catch ya' later! …Or not." The wolf saluted before making his escape.

"LEVAIL!" cried Nailah as she tried to fight her way past an extremely persistent and confused wall of ravens.

Naesala swooped down out of the sky, flapping his wings with the intensity of a hurricane. The flames were put of instantly. Leanne ran up to her bodyguard and started to untie his bonds.

"Are you okay?" she asked sweetly.

Levail coughed. "I think so… I may have set a new record for dancing with death though…"

"Don't kid around about that!" Leanne slapped Levail in the arm. "You scared me!"

"Hey! I'm alive, aren't I?"

"Yes, and you're filthy!"

Levail looked at his shirt. It was no longer white, but solid black from all the ash. In fact, he was covered in so much ash, he looked more like a chimney sweep than a bodyguard.

"Is everything good here?" Naesala asked as he transformed from his bird form.

Levail's eyes narrowed. "You…" He shoved Leanne behind him and attempted to draw his gun which was no longer there.

Leanne giggled. "It's okay, silly! I'll explain later, but Naesala's with me."

"I missed something, didn't I?" asked the gun-less gunslinger.

Nailah walked up behind the hero. "Yet again, you've escaped your demise."

"Yep. I sure am lucky!"

The wolf shook her head. "What am I going to do with you?" She looked around, past the chaos and many frantic ravens. "Where's Volug?"

Unwilling to answer, Levail looked down and shuffled his feet in the red sand.

"He escaped again," she mumbled. "Well, no use in crying over spilled mild. Let me get ya'll back to your friends and I'll continue my search from there."

"I'm sorry everyone," said Leanne, "but most of this is my fault."

"Our fault," Naesala added. "You can't take all the blame."

The aristocrat giggled. "Okay, it's our fault. You see, I wanted Naesala to kidnap me. We had been planning on it for a while. We were going to elope!"

Levail's jaw dropped. "You've got to be kidding me! So why did you need me? Comic relief?!"

"I didn't want to leave my brothers stranded. I was kind of hoping you would take them home and sort of…give up looking for me. Unfortunately, Volug came into the picture and messed everything up."

"I'm going home…" Levail turned around and started to walk back towards the cliff edge.

* * *

The two brothers still sat at the bottom of the cliff. Reyson was sprawling on some rocks and Rafiel was still playing with the gun.

"You're going to hurt yourself…" said Reyson.

"Can you do something that's no annoying?" replied Rafiel who was pretty sick of his brother's attitude.

"No. I'm booooooooored…"

Volug snuck down off the cliff, not expecting to see the heron brothers. He tip-toed slowly, trying not to draw attention to himself. Reyson smiled evilly, finally finding a way to entertain himself.

"SNAKE!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Rafiel jumped up and fired four bullets into random space. "WHERE?! KILL IT!"

One bullet ricocheted off of a rock, hitting the side of the cliff. One rock gave way. The cliff side started to vibrate ominously. Volug looked up and froze.

"Why did I know it was a bad idea to give a city boy a gun?" The rocks shook even more, finally giving way, crushing the villain.

"I KILLED HIM!" Rafiel shouted frantically.

"Oops…"

"What was that?" asked Levail as he reached the bottom.

Rafiel handed Levail the gun. "Take it before I shoot my foot off."

"This is a pleasant surprise," said Nailah. "Way to go, kid!"

Naesala and Leanne reached the bottom next. "We have something to tell you."

* * *

"The raven king and Leanne got married much later and Levail continued his business as a bodyguard with Nailah as his new partner despite the constant death hazard. And they all lived happily ever after. The end," finished Zelgius. He looked up at the audience and much to his general annoyance, found that they were asleep.

Leanne and Rafiel were lying on each other's shoulders. Sanaki was cuddled up in Sephiran's lap and Naesala was drooling all over Nealuchi's shoulder, snoring loudly.

"Forget this!" the general yelled. "I give up!" He walked into the next room. "If anyone needs me, I'm going to be in the kitchen."

Nealuchi tried to remove the king from his arm. "Nestling, really… This is most undignified."

The raven king rolled over. "Five more minutes, mommy… Zzzzz…"

"I'm not going to ask nicely again. Get off!"

"Ahoy….Gold!"

Tibarn smirked and took out his camera phone. "This is going on YouTube."

* * *

_I'm fully aware that YouTube hasn't been invented on Tellius yet, but I had to add that last part, just for sear randomness! _

_What happens next, you may ask? Brush up on your Western films and New Mexico history! Prepare yourself for an amazing historical musical starring, Rhys as John Wayne, Leonardo as Glenn Corbett, Prince Pelleas as Patric Knowels, and Edward as Geoffrey Deuel, in one of my favorite westerns of all times. What do you think it is?_


End file.
